Psychologist dating site
While most 20th-century couplings were either formed in workplaces and colleges or through friends and families, online dating sites and dating apps are fast becoming the most common way of meeting partners and now account for about 20% of heterosexual couplings and more than two-thirds of same-sex couplings in the US.But even online, geography continues to have an influence.Chat-up lines may sound like a bit of fun, but all romantic relationships are built on reciprocal self-disclosure – the mutual exchange of intimate information with a partner.Deciding when and how to disclose intimate information to a new partner is an important part of every romantic relationship and can be the difference between an honest, healthy relationship or a closed, stunted one. Giving the impression of dislike is unlikely to spark attraction because it goes against the grain of reciprocity.But too often those opinions were based on anecdotes, assumptions about human behaviour I knew to be wrong, or – worse – pure misogyny.As a psychologist who has studied attraction, I felt certain that science could offer a better understanding of romantic attraction than all the self-help experts, pick-up artists and agony aunts in the world.
It turns out that both women and men value traits such as kindness, warmth, a good sense of humour, and understanding in a potential partner – in other words, we prefer people we perceive as nice.Being nice can even make a person seem more physically attractive. Consuming alcohol, for example, really can make everyone else appear more physically attractive.And my own research has shown that love sometimes really is blind.But more important than sociodemographics is similarity of values – everything from musical tastes to political orientation.We’re all motivated to think that our views of the world are right and when someone disagrees with us, we feel uncomfortable in their presence.
Human psychology is too complex to reduce to rules or laws of attraction – but that’s not the same as saying that there’s nothing to be gained from understanding the processes involved in attraction.